Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Somebody wanted to say... Hi

Hi... (wink, wink)
Just because we love her... I told my dog that she's 'Wearing A Crown' which she appreciates because of her royal bloodline. (not really) But, she acts like the queen, ordering me around "get me this... get me that... this dog food isn't warm enough." Just things like that.

She is still recuperating from her little surgery last week, and should be completely healed by the end of this weekend. Thankfully, she is pretty cooperative with wearing the e-collar, except that she is small and sometimes it bumps on the ground. She has learned to keep it up when she walks. So, it's all good. She asked me to take a picture of her, so she could look back and laugh in a couple weeks.

Sunday, August 28, 2011

5 things to keep in mind while enjoying complimentary bread and butter in a restaurant

Here is a small list of five important things to remember, before you sit down to enjoy your complimentary bread and butter...
  1. Bread is served warm as a last ditch effort to kill mold or other fungus that might be present.
  2. Soft Butter is a sign of a broken refrigeration system.
  3. Pre-Sliced bread is actually made up of other people's uneaten loaves... watch for hair!
  4. Butter should not typically be dyed to match the restaurant's interior decor.
  5. Restaurant Bread that walks to the table under it's own power should be avoided.
Just Looking Out for your Best Interest and Dining Pleasure... Bon Appetite! 

The Perfect Sunday In San Francisco

It's a Perfect Sunday in San Francisco. The weather in late August and early September are pretty sweet in the San Francisco Bay Area. The sun is shining and not too hot, which is good for native San Franciscan's. We tend to reach our melting point at anything above 80 degrees Fahrenheit.

Today, I'm relaxing and taking in the sunshine with the dog and the beautiful girlfriend. My dog is still recuperating from her minor surgery the other day. She just needs a little more time to get over the whole thing. She should be good as new next week, but you know my dog... she's always willing to ride the sympathy train for food, extra television time or an fluffy pillow behind her back. My girlfriend, Ninta was putting warm compresses on the dog's stitches last night. Ninta kept trying to keep the dog still, which is not easy to do. Finally, I had to hold the dog down and promise her that she can read my collection of Mad Magazines if she would be still for a few minutes. (my dog love's Spy vs. Spy and the folding part on the back cover)

My landlord stopped by earlier today. He asked if we wanted to barbecue later this afternoon. Wow, that sounds good... So, we are planning on a little outdoor cooking tonight. My landlord has some steaks and shrimp that he's gonna bring, and my girlfriend will whip up a tofu salad and a nice veggie dish to share. My dog even offered to be the official barbecue food taster, as well has making up her famous 'pickled pooch' spinach dip.

I called my Grandma to let her know about the Barbecue tonight, but she has plans for a date with an old man that she met online a few weeks ago. She tells me that his nude picture looks pretty good and she's hoping to see what else he has to offer under all that old loose skin. I told her if she changes her mind, she is still welcome to stop by for some fun. - That's Sunday... or just life in my part of the city.

Good Times Ahead... and enjoy the rest of your day!

Saturday, August 27, 2011

'Not-So' Famous Landmarks Across America

'Not-So' Famous Landmarks Across America
By Mark and the dog (the dog typed this all by herself... really!)

This week, I have included my two cents worth of knowledge on a couple of attractions you may or may not want to avoid in your travels across America.


The 'Rubber Chicken' Statue of Scrawny - The town of Scrawny is extremely proud of this 9 foot tall statue which is located in the town square. The statue includes 418 actual rubber chickens which have been tastefully glued together creating an remarkably eerie likeness of Hank 'Rubber Chicken' Bullwinkle, who was the first Mayor, Sheriff and Chicken Farmer of Scrawny.

I suggest you avoid this landmark by staying on the highway, holding your nose and driving quickly through the town of Scrawny.


The Peeking Hole Cavern - The small town of Peeking Hole is most famous for it's Peeking Hole Cavern. This man made landmark was originally created as a subterranean hiding spot for Wimmer Cooth, a local moonshine maker and gambler. He would use the original cavern to hide his moonshine from local law enforcement authorities. The town's people discovered the hiding place by accident when little Timmy Meekly stumbled into the cavern during the town's Corn Broom Festival, injuring only his pride. Mr. Wimmer Cooth was run out of this very conservative and 'dry' town, never to be seen again.

Over the years, The Peeking Hole Cavern was taken over by a local business man, and with the addition of rubber bats, imitation spider webs and loose dog hair, it has become a local tourist favorite. This landmark attracts two, maybe three dozen or so tourists annually.

I'm really not sure why, but it has made my list of 'Not-So' Famous Landmarks across America.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

My Dog is Recovering Nicely

I wasn't going to mention it, but my little dog had a minor surgery yesterday afternoon. I dropped her off at her Veterinarian's office yesterday morning and picked her up last night. The Vet told me that she did very well during the surgery, and she also remarked how well her lab results appeared to be for a lady of her age. (she's about 12 years old)

My dog was a little uncomfortable last night, but the pain medication helped her to sleep. She is wearing one of those collars that prevent her from getting at her stitches, and she is hating every minute of that. My dog asked if she was going to get something special for dinner tonight. I asked her what she had in mind and she said "I don't know... I'm a dog!"

So, all in all she is doing remarkably well and sleeping right now as I type. I will keep you posted on her condition and recovery, here on my blog and on twitter with updates. She will be running around soon again, and teasing everyone over there at Twitter... for now, have a great day!

Favorite California Vacation Spots

Here are a couple of Favorite California Vacation Spots as reported by a very lazy, traveling blog writer.

Freddie Mac's Motel Swimming Pool,  Stockton - This has to be one of the finest, kidney shaped swimming pools in California. Although there is no diving allowed, there is also 'No Lifeguard on Duty', so what the management doesn't know, also won't hurt them. If you are lucky, you can gain free admission via an obscure service gate behind the back of the pool building which is also covered by a large bush. If you are a guest of the motel, you can swim without worry, but who really wants to stay in a motel room that features 24 hour adult movies and a vibrating bed.


Wandering Inn Family Campground,  Bakersfield - This beautiful campground is located directly off Highway 99 and just south of the Water Treatment Facility. It features 7 lovely campsites with painted concrete tenting area, laundry facilities with handy scrubbing bucket and natural air dry clothes line.(includes clothes pins) The management hosts a free charcoal barbecue every Saturday night, including games for the kids like 'Beer Can Kick' contest, 'Don't Stare At The Headlights' and 'How Fast Can You Run'... The nights at the Wandering Inn Family Campground are filled with campfire singing to the music of humming tires along highway 99.

As Always... Remember Vacations Are Supposed To Be Fun!

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

5 Tourist Traps To Avoid In San Francisco

  1. Manny's Fast Subs & Gift Shop - The submarine sandwiches are too expensive and they taste like they were made in Kentucky, then shipped without refrigeration by a guy on a moped. The gift shop part of the operation is nice if you have a thing for wall magnets and key chains.
  2. The Happy Hammer - If you venture into the Castro District, this restaurant will deliver a plate of hot Turkey Testicles and a side of Creamy Yuck (that' the actual name). The food is not too bad, but the service is very slow and the waiters are only partially dressed, so there is a problem with hair.
  3. Fog City Gifts & Massage - Once you find this little hole in the wall business, you'll be lucky if you make it back to Toledo... The place is 14 stories underground, so you feel like Lucifer might just be the one giving you a massage. They pamper you will natural oils and their exclusive 'body slam' massage techniques. You'll leave feeling lots worse than you did prior to your arrival. The gift shop sells goodies like 'Fog in a Can' (really!) and Purple Passion Oil that will leave your skin discolored for months after it's application.
  4. Pizza by Little Tony - This pizza restaurant should have been declared a health hazard by the city department of public safety, but for some strange reason it still continues to serve up a not-so delicious bacteria ridden pie. Little Tony is connected to the mob, so watch your step around him, or YOU may be the next special on Little Tony's menu.
  5. The Hot Fish & Chowder House - Sitting quietly along the north end of Fisherman's Wharf, this sleepy little restaurant is famous for it's 'Hot Fish Family Bucket', which is literally a wooden bucket full of raw fish and loose fish skin in a broth of something resembling chum. This signature dish was accidentally made popular by lost tourists who stumbled in while looking for directions. I would recommend this restaurant only if you are looking for some good bait for your shark fishing adventures in the San Francisco Bay.
Well, that's my list for now...
Be sure to follow my blog for more updated lists in the future!

Life is Funny

Life is funny... you never know what tomorrow will bring until you walk out the door, face the day and tell yourself that it's alright to smile back!

Remember to appreciate what you have today, because it might be gone tomorrow. Take the time to tell people that you care, because you really do at the end of the day. Enjoy life and grab every minute of time you can, because it's slips away faster and faster every year we get older.

Don't let your friends drag you down and don't get mad because your friends don't call you every time you think they should. They have their own issues, and maybe you just don't understand. Time heals most wounds, but it never erases them completely.... and lastly, always be true to yourself, because you have to like what you see in the mirror every morning.

Have a Great Day!  ~ Mark

Friday, August 19, 2011

5 Things You Missed On Television Last Night

5 things you missed on television last night... 

  1. the last episode of 'Honk, if you're Horny!' (a lame reality show about prostitutes)
  2. a documentary called 'Birds of the Tropics' (only if you wanna go to sleep in 3 seconds)
  3. 'Skittles, the Dinky Pussy' (a drama about the daily life of a tiny kitten with no tail)
  4. 'Cooking without Heat' (a strange cooking show filmed on location in Antarctica)
  5. 'Wigs of Notability' (a documentary about the history of famous wigs and the wearers)
This great list was compiled upon doing my own research and channel surfing... with a little help from my landlord who is the only person I know that gets a television channel from Antarctica. Go Figure!

Thanks for reading...

The Dog's Dining Out Experience

I got a phone call this morning from the man who owns the Chinese restaurant down the street. He asked me if I had a dog, and I reluctantly told him... yes!

He said that my dog was in his restaurant last night, and he seated her and handed her a menu. He explained that he thought it was a little bit strange that a dog would just walk in, and asked to be seated for dinner. He went on to say that the dog gestured for him to come and take her order. She was still reading the menu, and asked if the Chicken was fresh. He responded by telling her, yes, of course. The dog went on to point at one of the menu items, and she asked if this one was spicy? He told her it was just a little bit spicy, but she should do alright with it, if she likes spicy food.

The nice restaurant owner went on to tell me that a couple of minutes went by and the dog finally decided on the Mongolian Beef combination plate, which included noodles and won ton soup. He said, the dog ordered and then sat there reading one of my newspapers from Hong Kong. He admitted that he has never seen such a well behaved pooch in his life, and that she is welcome back to his restaurant anytime.

I was relieved to hear that he was actually happy with the dog, and that everything seemed to workout just fine with her Chinese dining experience. I thanked the nice man and asked if that was all... He said that the real reason he called was to confirm my credit card information for the charge of $219.43 on her dinner last night.

I was floored and I asked why the bill was so expensive, when it was just the dog by herself. He explained that after she ordered the Mongolian Beef combination dinner, she decided on an additional 5 orders of fried won ton, 3 orders of Pot Stickers, 7 Pork Buns and she drank 4 beers and 2 diet sodas... I reluctantly approved the charge, thanked the man and hung up the phone.

I walked into the kitchen and found my dog making a microwaved pizza pocket for lunch. She looked at me and said 'well, I was gonna invite you to Chinese dinner last night, but you were too busy watching that Big Brother show on television... so, I went by myself and you know what that means'.  The dog turned around poured herself a tall glass of lemonade and said 'Is that all... cause I'm trying to have my lunch!'.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Big Brother Fans

Just in case you didn't know... I have become a huge fan of the television show 'Big Brother'. I'm not sure, but there seems to be a lot of drama with the house guests this season. CBS brought back 6 veteran players from previous seasons and they seemed to instantly start to rule the house. I must admit that I was pretty excited to see Evil Dick and his daughter, Daniele return as veterans. Unfortunately, Evil Dick left the house after about a week or so for unknown reasons.

So with that said, I'm preparing to sit down tonight, grab a snack and watch the eviction take place. Brendon was the replacement nominee, after Adam won the Power of Veto and removed himself from the block. My girlfriend is already wearing her 'I Love Big Brother' fan t-shirt and my dog is wearing her Regis Philbin wig from her celebrity wig collection with a real grass hula skirt and her 'I Hate Working For Food' t-shirt...

Have a great night!  -- Mark

Soup Is Good Food

So, It's Thursday and I am sitting around my apartment trying to figure out what to have for lunch. I was thinking about having a nice bowl of split pea soup. I like soup since its easy to make... just open a can, dump the soup into a sturdy cooking pot and then wait for the heat to do its magic. I usually fiddle around in the kitchen while I'm waiting for the soup to heat up. I can rearrange the refrigerator magnets or stack cans of dog food. After a few minutes the soup is ready!

I always grab a package of crackers for my soup. I like the salty ones, but lately I've tried the low salt variety and they aren't too bad, just more crumbly and less actual flavor. I also use a lot of Tabasco brand hot pepper sauce. (Yummm!) I like the spicy stuff on just about everything. Now, It's time to eat the Soup...

Well, I suppose you really didn't want to or need to know about my lunch. On the other hand, my dog had half a cup of dry dog food, followed by a small leftover taco, two scoops of mashed potatoes and gravy and a tiny slice of birthday cake. (don't ask... she found the birthday cake somewhere) Finally, she washed all that food down with a cold can of Budweiser Beer. I don't really like her drinking beer during the daytime, but she insists that she will keep it under control. she does...

Hey, Catch My 'New' Attitude...

Welcome to my New & Improved Blog Page... I actually ran into a bit of trouble with my old page. (my dog spilled a can of soda on the old blog, then she tried to clean it up... not good) Anyway, I was forced to reconfigure everything and start fresh again.

I am having a bit of trouble with my Google Friend Connect Followers List too, but I should have that up and running soon. This time around on 'The New Blog', I am not going to be doing as many videos, since they seem to slow down the page load time. Therefore, I am forced to actually work harder and write. (Boo-Hoo) But, that will be better for my friends that like reading my very 'not-so-steamy' blog posts.

I love having a good time and when my dog acts up... you will be the first to know. Looking forward to taking this new direction with the blog. Stay with me and we can have coffee sometime! (my dog just rolled off the sofa and is pointing and laughing at me...)

Have a great day... and you will be hearing from me soon.

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